Weirdos from Wadaj

FREDDY: REQUIESCAT IN PACE

2007-11-15T01:41:00.001-08:00

Fred's photograph courtesy: Sweet Fanny Adams. Thank you.

His affectionate, drooling countenance, the half-mad greetings at the gate, the flying fur, the usual pouncing on sleeping bodies early in the morning, the way he made a general nuisance of himself, the soulful insane staring, the rolling over and exposing of parts that need not be exposed, the licking of parts that need not be licked—these things will be missed variously by the various regulars at The Den and is a great loss for The Den itself.

Here he is seen in one of his favourite poses, lying in the arms of a beautiful woman, drooling slightly and letting it all hang out.

Complete nutter but a good dog.

Stick it to 'em, Fred, wherever you are!

The Wadaj Times, November 2007

2007-11-15T01:17:00.000-08:00

BOURNE TO BE WILD!
Our cutie patootie is 'Sexiest Man Alive'. People magazine said so.
He beat Patrick Dempsey (YAY!), Ryan Reynolds (who the hell is he?) Brad Pitt (Ickyface? who put HIM on the list, man?).
We knew this already, People magazine whackjobs! Tell us something new!

Another month yawn yawn. Nothing much goes, nobody killed anybody, nobody got laid, or if they did they’re hiding the afterglow (come out, come out, wherever you are…). There was karaoke though. Karaoke. Believe you me. Worse than the Japanese we are. Diwali came and went, but have no idea what happened since I slept through it. The holidays went by in a crazy mix of food and nightmares. The megaparty at the megaden never surfaced. Methinks the Weirdos will have to wait till Weedy’s Dungeon is up and running for megaparties to happen. (Is that so, Gulabo? Say it ain’t true, Sam, say it ain’t true.) Actually…I see it already…thick curtains that smother sunlight, bongs of all varieties, dim lighting, a totally cool music system with madass bass speakers, pictures of nude people on the wall, actual nude people on the floor…but I digress. Okay, then, cut to the chase, let’s see what’s happening with the peeps so far.

Bombay Viking 1: This latest trip from the Viking has been disappointing. She was always absent or sleeping curled up into a big round ball or just plain pissed off. Whither the love? Whither the camaraderie? Whither those warm nights? Dunno, man, this is terrible, terrible. I think I am concerned, but maybe not.

Bombay Viking 2: He got totally awesome laddoos for The Den, other than that…dunno, man, dunno…

Gulabo Sumfink: Outbreak! She’s spreading sickness again. The germs are mutating inside her body and then attacking everyone in the vicinity. I am totally jealous since she’s got the longest holidays ever (though she does have to work starting today, but it’s not that bad). In other news, she rocked the house on Karaoke Night (the first one) with the blue spotlights and cheesy songs and all. Way to go, man. Ultimate gangsta.

K9 the Denkeeper: She’s currently on meds, total nutjob these days, but thankfully the kidney thing didn’t turn out to be all that evil and she’s stayin alive. The cheerful outbursts need to go though. Also…she’s recently taken to going to her bedroom and talking on her phone for long periods of time. Plus, she’s being sent poetry she refuses to share. I’m afraid it looks as if we’ll all be needing barf bags soon.

Sweet Fanny Adams: Love of my life, apple of my eye. She’s all swamped with work work work and lunatics to deal with. But she got us the Third Season of Grey’s and we had much fun watching it, though it was a HUGE HUGE disappointment, not half the acid-trip the previous seasons were. (Except that toxic blood episode which was really cool.) For the most part, it is almost certain that her days and nights these days are filled with melancholy yearning, counting down the days to kneeling on the holy ground that is SinCity.

Moustache Pete: Our boy is now a Wushu journalist writing about Wushu stuff. Haven’t seen him around lately so will say just congratulations, hope it all goes well and we’re waiting for the day he gets death threats from politicians. (Cuz EVERYBODY knows that’s when a journalist has made it, Hollywood taught me so.)

Boy in the Bubble: Who knows, man? He who does not show up or live at The Den is liable to fade away from the racial memory, said Confucius.

Stalker Alert: As of now, there are two on the loose being kept at bay by Kamlaphoi and Atulya. Beware, Weirdos. Keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary. One never knows when the stalker strikes.

That's all for now. Viva Zapata.

Love,

Weedy

The Wadaj Times, October 2007

2007-10-17T23:53:00.001-07:00

For officially being the most boringass community on Orkut, the Razzies have honoured WFW with its Most Boringass Community on Orkut Award.

Individual awards in no particular order:

The GFU (General Fuck Up) Award goes to Shantanoo for creating the community and posting exactly one quiz since then.

The NOMFIC (Number One Mother Fucker in Charge) Award goes to Judith for being titular *snicker snicker* "moderator".

The JAFO (Just Another Fucking Observer) Award goes to Neeti for being that.

The FIIGMO (Fuck It, I've Got My Orders) Award goes to Keren for working in a place where the gormint has forbidden Orkut.

The TARFU (Things Are Really Fucked Up) Award goes to Sooze Da Booze since she's worse than SNAFU but not quite FUBAR on the community.

The DILLIGAFF (Do I Look Like I Give A Flying Fuck?) Award goes to Peter for, well, looking like he doesn't give a flying fuck.

The ROAD (Retired On Active Duty) Award goes to Nishant for shuffling off to Bangalore and leaving behind neither hair nor hide (amen).

The TUIFU (The Ultimate In Fuck Ups) Award goes to Donku (though she is not part of the community any more, let us observe a moment of silence please, for her passing) for being a wonderful friend and sticking with us through rich and poor, sickness and health, thick and thin, dandy and randy.

That's it for this month, folks. The newsletter will have a supplement published before the end of the month if the megaparty at the megaden comes through.

Stay cool. Viva Zapata!

Love,
Weedy

The Wadaj Times, September 2007, AKA The Morning After

2007-09-29T23:16:00.000-07:00

I seriously cannot believe that I could down so much of the Electrick Floorbanger, drink of trolls, Klingons and other such hardier creatures that inhabit our universe. So here I am, with the worst hangover in the universe, typing with my toes because my fingers are tired from all the Dumb Charades played (till almost 5 f---ing a.m.).

I refuse to work but I can and will whine to my heart's content in this blog here. September has been shitty. Which means I had no time to download music or check out my place of complete Zen--YouTube. Or even bring out the newsletter. Bleh. But I try...

This whole work thing has been depressing. I thought last night would be great, I'd finally shampoo my hair n all, but noooooo, of course Jesus doesn't want me for a sunbeam, of course karma's out to f--- me. Susan's family descended (no offence, Sue, this ain't dissin, just whinin) and killed every dream I might have ever cherished, scarring my soul forever. And ever. Which might be why the Electrick Floorbanger went down a treat. Did I dance? I think I did the zombie jamboree at some point. Did I beat anyone up? Sadly, no. (Parties are so wasted without a good brawl. Where are you, Ms Gone AWOL Since Loove Came By In Jeans From The 80s? Not that I'm all expectant about the cheerful banter we're likely to exchange, but hey David woulda rocked Goliath's all I'm sayin.)

So, okay, to recap, Shantanu got older and wiser n all that. (I hope you liked the wallet, Shantanu. I also hope you had a most marvellous time.) Judie and Shan and Peter were missing from the action last night. So just honourable mentions here. The absence of Peter was sorely felt (in spite of the Issues we've been having lately), when at some point I realized that no-one had dissed the music, or anything, in a proactive manner at all. It's a break with tradition, it is.

So...Dumb Charades...why, Weirdos? Why? Not that I'm saying it wasn't fun. Why is all I'm wondering here...

Anyway, Keren, who totally rocks that teensy weensy pair of shorts, also rocked the Dumb Charades National Championship, coming up with some totally whack shit. At 4:30 a.m., she was still goin strong. Resspekk, mon. In other news, she baked a lovely cake with walnuts n stuff. (Personally I would have liked some icing, your icing is the bestest, Keren. Of course, that don't mean what that sound like.)

Neeti, who wanted that megaparty real bad, my scarred soul bleeds for you, cutie-patootie. But we'll make up for this with the Dumb Charades World Championship. That one won't be for the faint-hearted. What's more, we'll make sure we get hammered and then then we'll only have movies with MADE UP NAMES. Yeah...

SUSAN *taps foot and glares*, the whole dirty talkin has TO GO. Sex is NOT the universal language. Esperanto is and nobody cares about Esperanto. Sex, pondered upon philosophically, is a mildly repulsive act replete with gross bodily fluids, it not a thing to be held up and peered at in public. NO MORE d---s or c---s or c---s or t-----s or whatever (unless the movie is Dick Tracy or Octopussy). It's like being with the manboy from hell. AND playing DC with him! Noooooo! No suggestive gestures, no lewd expressions and above all, NO POINTING. NO NO NO POINTING. NO. NO SQUEEZING EITHER. NEVERMORE, quoth Weedy.

And now, for a new personage who is not yet a Weirdo but holds promise. The ability to quaff till floorbangin time, play a stupid game for hours, lie through his teeth, hold firm to the most misguided and untrue beliefs about himself in the face of fierce opposition--not bad for a beginner. The boy Adi might yet make a Jedi. The boy Adi also being responsible for the vast amount of Electrick Floorbanger is duly thanked here on this forum.

Then there's Nishant. Who's there. Somewhere. Doing what it is that he does. I don't know. Whatever. My memories of people, the clarity of which is directly proportional to their proximity around the area of mutual firewater consumption, being what they are, I shall gloss over him for now. (Man, don't even ask me wtf that sentence means.)

So, well, that's all from me here this month. Here's lookin at nother month, hopefully better than the last one. Homies, I love you all.

Peace out and rock on. Viva Zapata!
Weedy

The Wadaj Times August 2007

2007-08-12T23:23:00.000-07:00

Viva Zapata!

Allrighty then. A new month, new things, some new people. So much to bitch about, though nothing ever happens. Sigh. All is irie.

Weather:
The weather has been good to us lately, in a manner of speaking. Not much to complain about except that it's really awful for my hair. No amount of conditioner helps.

People:

1. Judie: Judie's been in and out of the city. I strongly suspect she only comes here so she can get waxed in peace. Other than that, she's been rather reticent, staring at the dance of the atoms for long periods of time, gaping a little, being startled when asked normal questions. All the travelling and being lonesome has prolly gotten to her. (I do hear that too much exposure to cabin air does strange things to your blood vessels and nerves.) Hang in there, Jude, don't let the System get you down. I know dere yo heart have no base and right now Babylon de pon yo case. Chill gurl, flex it, all gwan be bashy.

2. Shantanu: Shantanu, I take this opportunity here to urge you to take more of an interest in life around you. Are you a Weirdo or are you not a Weirdo? How well do you know us other Weirdos? And do us other Weirdos know you at all? No, Shan-tanoo, the answer to both is a hopeless no. There's more to life, Weirdo Shan-tanoo, embrace it, listen to ghastly myoozak from the 80s and 90s, shake yo booty, crack lame jokes. Life is morbid, it sucks, BE the thump. Om shanty shanty.

3. Neeti: The love of life, my Pistol of Glory. I have nothing but a hug in my heart for you. But lately it has come to my attention that you expressed a dislike for The Simpsons. This happened while we were discussing whether or not to go watch the movie. And...and...you said... that you "can't stand them for 5 minutes on TV what I'll watch a whole bloody movie". Ominous. Very, very ominous. I am greatly saddened. Chaka chaka--a nuh mi fi like it.

4. Keren: First of all, let me take back what I said in last month's newsletter. She did work very hard on those, ahem, spiral-bound books--it's all comin back to me now, I seem to distinctly remember that she stared them down till they gave up their information. She also went into rural parts of the country and hung out with indigenous simple folk, mixed with them, learnt their village patois. Keren, your ability to mingle never ceases to amaze me. Dat wicked, bad like yaz.

5. Peter: Ah, Peter, Peter, where does one start? He is now CEO of . Congratulations, Peter. We are all so proud of you. All you now need to do is curb your desire to hang out in the vicinity of bad dye jobs, mid-life-crisis-mohawks, coolie shorts with pink stripes and bodies that can shimmy through keyholes. Also, listen carefully, you have us, Peter, your best friend in life is not your mirror. Ooman nah like bait, hotsteppa, you gotta get sum dat cris.

6. Oorbi: Donku.

7. Nishant: Nishant is prolly gettin into Berkeley and workin for the World Bank etcetera. Bredren, we must applaud his achievements, get-up-and-go, zip-and-zing, can-do-and-will, especially since the long climb to the zenith of academia has involved reading stupefyingly boring books and general metaphysical lunacy. Take a bow, Doctor, take a bow. Dandimite.

8. Susan: Susan is currently in my Big Bad Green Book on account of having had a snowball effect on loathsome music. My current playlist includes Whitesnake, Wham! Heart, Foreigner. I lay the blame directly at her door. Susan, I detest you. Wa mek yu dweet fa? A fuckery dat.

Other news:
Susan almost got buggered by a man of cloth, there were naked wimmen on the streets last month, Miro Moreira won the Skanky Ho Award hands down (you gurls are SO shallow, I LOVE you), Severus Snape also won on the polls (nothing shallow about our ole Severus), Neeti got a nice shiny new lappy, Oorbi got a new phone, Freddy got mange.

More importantly, the Harry Potter epilogue was terribly disappointing, Snape's death a travesty, Dobby's death completely uncalled for. I am disappointed by a lot of things J. Ro did, though I do like the book much. I try and curb these uncharitable thoughts by thinking of Kreacher.

Special Note:
Please welcome Hugo Severus Bear AKA Huggy Bear into our community. He saw a bit of the world last night and is enamoured by all things Wadaj. He was born of Moxie Falafel Bear and Rakstone Shawty Bear on the 22nd of February in the Century of the Dungbeetle at 2:45 a.m. His childhood idols were Freddie Mercury, Sid Vicious, Gaetano Gagliano and Dita von Teese among others. He developed a drug problem in his adolescence that gave him the black lung and Attention Deficiency Disorder. He's still battling it. Respekk, mon. His recent fads include big flooffy hats, kitten huffing and shadowing people. A lover of fiah, Led Zeppelin, socks, kulcha; a respected member of the Wu-Tang Clan and close friend of Ol' Dirty Bastard, he's mo dan a bear, he's da ori-gin-ull rude bwoy, darlin of the masses.

That's all for this month people. See you next month with more news.

Mi a soon come.
Weedy