The Wadaj Times, November 2007

BOURNE TO BE WILD!
Our cutie patootie is 'Sexiest Man Alive'. People magazine said so.
He beat Patrick Dempsey (YAY!), Ryan Reynolds (who the hell is he?) Brad Pitt (Ickyface? who put HIM on the list, man?).
We knew this already, People magazine whackjobs! Tell us something new!

Another month yawn yawn. Nothing much goes, nobody killed anybody, nobody got laid, or if they did they’re hiding the afterglow (come out, come out, wherever you are…). There was karaoke though. Karaoke. Believe you me. Worse than the Japanese we are. Diwali came and went, but have no idea what happened since I slept through it. The holidays went by in a crazy mix of food and nightmares. The megaparty at the megaden never surfaced. Methinks the Weirdos will have to wait till Weedy’s Dungeon is up and running for megaparties to happen. (Is that so, Gulabo? Say it ain’t true, Sam, say it ain’t true.) Actually…I see it already…thick curtains that smother sunlight, bongs of all varieties, dim lighting, a totally cool music system with madass bass speakers, pictures of nude people on the wall, actual nude people on the floor…but I digress. Okay, then, cut to the chase, let’s see what’s happening with the peeps so far.

Bombay Viking 1: This latest trip from the Viking has been disappointing. She was always absent or sleeping curled up into a big round ball or just plain pissed off. Whither the love? Whither the camaraderie? Whither those warm nights? Dunno, man, this is terrible, terrible. I think I am concerned, but maybe not.

Bombay Viking 2: He got totally awesome laddoos for The Den, other than that…dunno, man, dunno…

Gulabo Sumfink: Outbreak! She’s spreading sickness again. The germs are mutating inside her body and then attacking everyone in the vicinity. I am totally jealous since she’s got the longest holidays ever (though she does have to work starting today, but it’s not that bad). In other news, she rocked the house on Karaoke Night (the first one) with the blue spotlights and cheesy songs and all. Way to go, man. Ultimate gangsta.

K9 the Denkeeper: She’s currently on meds, total nutjob these days, but thankfully the kidney thing didn’t turn out to be all that evil and she’s stayin alive. The cheerful outbursts need to go though. Also…she’s recently taken to going to her bedroom and talking on her phone for long periods of time. Plus, she’s being sent poetry she refuses to share. I’m afraid it looks as if we’ll all be needing barf bags soon.

Sweet Fanny Adams: Love of my life, apple of my eye. She’s all swamped with work work work and lunatics to deal with. But she got us the Third Season of Grey’s and we had much fun watching it, though it was a HUGE HUGE disappointment, not half the acid-trip the previous seasons were. (Except that toxic blood episode which was really cool.) For the most part, it is almost certain that her days and nights these days are filled with melancholy yearning, counting down the days to kneeling on the holy ground that is SinCity.

Moustache Pete: Our boy is now a Wushu journalist writing about Wushu stuff. Haven’t seen him around lately so will say just congratulations, hope it all goes well and we’re waiting for the day he gets death threats from politicians. (Cuz EVERYBODY knows that’s when a journalist has made it, Hollywood taught me so.)

Boy in the Bubble: Who knows, man? He who does not show up or live at The Den is liable to fade away from the racial memory, said Confucius.

Stalker Alert: As of now, there are two on the loose being kept at bay by Kamlaphoi and Atulya. Beware, Weirdos. Keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary. One never knows when the stalker strikes.

That's all for now. Viva Zapata.

Love,

Weedy